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  • Writer's pictureM.Other Milk

Roni's Story


Giving birth at an "older" age, brought with it several years of seeing my friends, colleagues, sister in laws... you name it, breastfeed.

I always saw it as an amazing experience,

but never gave it the true time of day, thinking it through when approaching birth.

After giving birth, I can clearly remember the midwife giving me my baby.

Laying her on me to hug and love...and immediately asking me if I planned on breastfeeding my baby.

Automatically, I said yes. I felt like I would be considered a failure if I wouldn't even try. I felt like it wasn't my place to say no, and not even know if I truly wanted to or not.

My baby latched on to me, and I thought I made it! I succeeded in the task.

What I didn't know was the pain that was about to immediately follow.

My breasts were engorged, everything was painful.

I did not give up yet though.

Every couple of hours I went to the on-call lactation consultant.

One told me I was doing great.

The other said I wasn't doing a good enough job.

The third just said, pump.

The fourth said that pumping would make it even worse.

I was lost.

I fought every day from the moment we came home.

I wouldn't give up.

I am an overachiever, very competitive even...and I wouldn't want to “lose”.

I would feed all day, every day.

Just to realize that my baby girl was hungry.

Night would come - and I would fall apart from being tired and confused...

And finally, I gave her a bottle.

I would leave home every day, extremely worried whether she was eating enough or not.

Afraid to drive because she might cry in hunger in the middle of the way.

I found myself stopping on highways, after breastfeeding for hours just before getting in the car...And did not know what to do.

After 4 months of combining breastfeeding and formula,

Literally fighting for every drop,

I decided I need to be happy - and this way, she would be happy.

I decided to choose - ME. For her.

I don't know what I'll choose for my next baby,

I just may want to try again.

But I do know that the most important choice when it comes to breastfeeding - is to be happy.

And if you're not happy, It's not worth it.

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